So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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