I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
