Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
