Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
