you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
