I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
