I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
