...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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