Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
