i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
