You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
