Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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