We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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