remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
