I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I will pee on everything he values.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
