So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
