I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
