i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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