I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
