The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
