we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
