lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
