We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
