Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
