we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
