Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
When are your genitals available?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
