He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
