I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
