if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
