i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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