I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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