i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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