Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
