Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
