well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
