allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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