I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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