Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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