I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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