am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
