Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
