Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
