I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
