We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
