so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
