I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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