Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
