Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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