i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
