Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
