My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
