Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
