I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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