she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
