ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
