I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
