A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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