I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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