she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize