how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
