so explain again why im purple
no
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
