nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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