these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
