I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
